Turning back

After months of not doing my daily QT, I picked up the QT book again. I looked at it, somehow 它认识我，可我不认识它。It feels just weird to restart QT again. Was thinking back how it all started. Initially, I would remind myself to definitely do QT the next day if I slept b4 doing it. Then came the excuses, 'I'm tired', 'I'm busy', 'It's just another day of no QT' and etc. Finally came the point of guilt-freedom to it. No reminders, no excuses just plain bo chup. I feel overwhealmed just thinking back on these thoughts. Why is man such a fallen creature? Do we really have no inclination towards holiness and purity? These questions need no answers. These few months of neglect has left me very distant from God, though I don't seem so, but I feel extremely empty inside. Not just mentally stressed by school work, but also spiritually drained. As I turn back from these dark periods, I hope this psalm will become my prayer and may it be a prayer of encouragement to others.

Psalms 51

1 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it : thou delightest not in burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.