Can't say I'm very satisfied by my exam results.. My CAP dropped from 3.5 to 3.18.. it's a big drop of 0.38. Although I expected to have the lousy grades this semester but some modules were lower than expected which made me kinda sad. But well, I'll bounce back like I always do. It's not going to be a hindrance to my learning process. I'm sure I did learn a lot this semester although the grades reflected otherwise. This sem has been good and I hope to continue accquiring knowledge in the next few years.

Haz.. Finally after 4 semesters of exams, I'm a officially a year 2. LOL..

writer's block

I'm suffering from writer's block or rather to be precise it's translator's block.. So there won't be a story yet for a couple of days. I've been contemplating if I shld abridge the story so it's shorter and easier to read.. Well.. let's wait and see.

ring ring

If only I could take a photo and put it here.

Sitting beside me are 3 mobiles. one is my 6230i, the other is my 6610 and the last is my 2100. All of them except the 6610 are active lines. The 6230i is my personal line and the 2100 is the SBC line. Although they seldom ring but looking at those 3 phones beside me makes me feel so like a business man.

As for the humble 6610, it's going to be of use soon. come 4/6 when I don on my greens, I'll have to use it for national security reasons. lol..

Reminiscing

It was fun to look at the old photos and laugh at them. But at the same time, it was sad. Why? Because some of the people in the photos are no longer in our midst now. EIther they have left for 'greener' pastures or have disappeared altogether. Furthermore, I was looking at my old self and now. I don't really see much difference in myself, still old kiddish me. I need an objective to change for a better, but it does seem like I haven't found one or maybe I'm not focusing on my objective at all. Looking at some of the people there. I hope that they will continue to be around, serving in truth and spirit till the day we all meet the Maker in all eternity.


Looking at time past and gone,
We've all grown old and forlorn.

Grey makes its way through Black
While White becomes the new Black

What's there that we have done?
What's left that we have not done?

Feeling regret when this life is past?
Clutching on to things that won't last?

Lol

I was going through some photos on our faith fighters multiply website: faithfighters.multiply.com

And these photos are taken during one of our workshops during YF June Camp 2003 at Loyang. Although it's somewhat funny but it's thought-provoking.


Characteristics I look 4 in a future boyfriend


Characteristics in a Husband


Characteristics I look 4 in a future girlfriend


Characteristics in a Wife

nice?

Here's my iBook makeover.

Before



and after,



After spending quite a sum on it, I think it's money well-spent. Looks real nice. Actually if they could make it to cover the whole front face, it would be nicer. For now it's just covers the front flat surface, the curves are exposed but still, it's scratch proof, water proof, dirt proof and etc etc.

Happiness 2

‘Hello?’

‘Tom.. It’s me.. He…’ the voice of Carolyn came through the sound of crying.

‘Oh? Can you stop crying? I can’t understand what are you trying to say.’ an exasperated Thomas replied, yet his voice was filled with the ever so minute traces of worry and concern.

However the crying did not stop, and Thomas could only wait patiently for Carolyn to make sense of what she was trying to say. Time passed and eventually the cries died down to sniffles, suddenly a tiny voice cracked through the phone. ‘He rejected me.’

Upon hearing this, Thomas heart skipped a beat. On one hand he was glad, for Carolyn was still single but on the other he was feeling sad for Carolyn, for the plight that she is in now.

--to be continued--

Happiness 1

‘I’m sorry. But I simply can’t love you.’

Carolyn hugged Joshua tightly from behind, like a castaway clutching on to a piece of driftwood for life.

‘No!’ she cried out, ‘I don’t want it to be like that,’ she exclaimed almost to the brink of hysteria.

‘I can understand the feelings you have for me, but I can’t accept it. I can only say sorry to you,’ he consoled her with his ever soft and comforting voice.

‘Why? Why can’t you accept my feelings? Am I not worthy for you? Tell me what’s wrong!’ she blurted out. She could never imagine that her first confession to him would result in a calm yet painful reply from Joshua.

Joshua pried the arms that encircled him and turned to face Carolyn. He clasped her hands and said, ‘Carol, you are a nice girl and there’s nothing wrong with you. But I’m not qualified to love you as I am not able to grant you happiness. My heart belongs to someone else. I’m really sorry.’

All along, Joshua knew that Carolyn had feelings for him. But in his heart, there was a certain someone who was his source of happiness. Therefore, so as not to delude Carolyn any longer, he decided to reject her tactfully. But, no matter how tactful the rejection was, it was bound to have its repercussions.

‘No.. I don’t want your apologies! I don’t want you to say you’re sorry! All I know is that you can bring me happiness.. and I do love you! So what if there is another person in your heart, I only want you to love me!’ Carolyn blurted out amidst the flow of tears that kept streaming down her cheeks.

Joshua looked at Carolyn and said, ‘You must never like me, for I will only bring you sadness, like now.’

‘But.. I.. only want.. to love you..’ Carolyn looked at him with her tear stained eyes.

Joshua, as he wiped her tears away looked at her, filled with guilt. He always believed that a man should not let a woman cry, especially Carolyn who has always been so strong. He could only feel sorry for her and nothing else besides that for his heart could not be shared with another person.


---to be continued---

Happiness - Prologue

Happiness - To be able to love someone or to be loved by someone or both?

-- the story begins --

foreword

I'm starting to translate a story from my friend's blog. It's titled 'Happiness'. I estimate that it should be around 40 chapters long. so stay around and enjoy the read.

for those who want to read the actual story in chinese
--click here--

Good Stuff for all

I got this from my friend's blog. I think it's good for both guys and girls so do take a look. It's kinda long but it's really really good and meaningful, so spend some time and read it.


If men were like buses, how do you catch one?
A more important question is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?

Simple: You take only the bus that's headed the RIGHT direction.

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before its made on an emotional one.

What about love? you ask. I'll tell you why.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9).
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right directions:

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.

But how? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts. So when you do gather facts, let us compare the process to clothes shopping.

1. Check out the fabric.

Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith?

Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14).

You need to have common interest and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife (Aik Hui: Really? I didn't know that.. lol). Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going your direction, get off the bus & wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you?

The man who is right for you will pursue you and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord"( Prov 18:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you.

In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy. Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want.

The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because he first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19).

Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found.

Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship.

Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart.

A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies.

Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother.

How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you.There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.

Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.
(I don't really agree with this point though..... I believe someone can step out the mould of the family that he came from if he chooses to.)

7. Check out the patterns of his life.

Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments? Including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision?

Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is your guy guided by a sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with.

You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complementarities.

Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?

This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping, I always consider the fabric. Can it be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel - because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!

God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself?

Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order.

In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide.

Your prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,
I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. In Jesus' name.

我。。。

我已过了23年笑嘻嘻的生涯，我不愿再笑嘻嘻地过人生了。现在的我，再也不是一个吊儿郎当的小孩了，是该改变了。但这似乎是件艰难的变化。也不知从何开始，搞笑与我成了最佳排挡。人人一见我，脑子总会把我和’不认真‘放在一块儿。

奕辉与谨慎行事、认真根本就是天渊之别。

我好寂寞，好孤独，好悲哀。因我把23年的光阴不知不觉给笑走了，一去再也无法回头的23年。

难道我的一生就会像那已死去的23年一笑而过吗？

我简直无法想像。。。

wishy washy

Last night and noon today, I have been cleaning my iBook to ensure it's as white as when I 1st bougth it. And I'd say it looks completely sparkling new when I was done with her. Yes, it's a her.. She's my lao po for the time being.. hehz.. I do treat her very well.. I've spent quite a sum on upkeeping her outlook and boosted her internal systems and etc etc. Next week I'll be getting the wrist protector and skin that I have ordered which will be finally here!! yeah!! Photos will be up shortly when I'm done with this round of makeover. Maybe I should show a before and after photo.. haz..

got this poem from someone else's blog. pretty meaningful

The day light breaks again
Another day has begun.

But still no sleep has come.
My body is weary

My mind overworked.
I lie awake thinking

But what I am unsure.
I need to break free from the cycle I endure.

Everyday is the same and the nights are undistinguished.
I feel as though I am being pushed along with the tide

Unable to break free from the everyday flow.
This is not me I need to change, before time takes over

And I am unable to change.
I need to be freed from the grasp of ordinary

And become that person I have always longed for.
Express myself in every way, and conquer the dreams as I lie awake.

Then I may fall asleep and put my mind to rest.
Make changes in my life and help those in need.

I would like to touch everyone's life in a positive way
And leave my mark on society before I fade away.

future ahead

I'm serious contemplating a career choice which has been nagging at the back of my head. I wonder if I should heed that call. If I do, it's kind of a heavy responsibility job and I should start preparing myself now. Anyway, I'm not going to blog much about it until I've come to a very sure conclusion about this decision. In the mean time, I'll be praying to see what God has to say about it.

speechless

I just have nothing to blog about.. i think life's pretty boring without sch.. or maybe i'm not trying hard enough to enjoy myself..

over liao

It's all over!! finally.. Now for the much needed long break. I think I'll start 1st by sleeping a lot to catch up on the lost sleep and to rest well enough for the late nights I'll be having in the next phase. I'll just picked up a new game so spending time on it and also going to nua at home to watch all my anime.. hahaz..

Yea.. I love holidays..

Warning

This is a warning to all studying in my school.

I will/will not* download any anime using the school network as there are serious consequences that come with it when being tracked down^.

*delete when approratiate

^For those who prefer to choose the former please do so at your own risk and don't be grumbling when you have been caught.

dreams

Had a dream last night, don't really know if it's good or bad but I suppose that is the last dream/nightmare of the exam season..

Another 7 hours more and it will be over!! Yeah!!

erm..

To a certain friend.. No.. It's not converging nor diverging.. It was what it was before and is currently what it is now.. Neither here nor there.. Get the picture?

Gripes..

Last 2 papers to go.. which I say it's going to be hard.. Just caught a glimpse of the past year paper.


--Violence was the essence of imperialism from the start to finish. Comment.--

What a question.. It's going to be a long long journey to the end of everything.